My Frame of Reference

An intelligent, young person recently told me that the Golden Rule doesn't really hold any significance for her. "The world doesn't work that way," she said.

In her experience, people don't treat others as they would have others treat them.  And maybe in her world, this is true.  She had a list of examples she offered to share, and I was among them. I declined the offer.

I recently heard an Invisibilia podcast describing a woman who spent her life not understanding why people treated her badly. She would approach every social situation not understanding that others were in relationship with one another -- relationships that involved emotion, reading emotional cues, and reflecting.  She was missing out on all of the emotional cues all her life.  One day, she participated in an experiment involving powerful magnets, and she got a glimpse into an entirely different emotional world that she didn't know existed. Her entire history was re-written because of that brief glimpse. Her frame of reference shifted.

What do we do when we see others being treated badly? Do we always recognize it?  Do we sometimes not know that we are part of the system that oppresses others?

I know a minister who is a champion for human rights, but when he was asked to endorse a low-energy Sunday service, he balked.  "The congregation won't like it if the lights aren't on."  No one was proposing that we endanger the elders with low lights and trip hazards.  We weren't even going to make it impossible to see the bulletin.  Some people might have needed to sit in a different pew than normal, to be closer to the natural light streaming from the stained glass windows.  In my mind, it was the minister's job to stand up for what was right, not to cow to the masses who might be uncomfortable with change. In my mind, it was his job to tell the congregation that their energy use on Sunday morning was deeply entrenched in human rights issues and care for creation. In his mind, he would lose his job if he didn't play his cards right.

I see that kind of naysayer thinking as part of the problem. Maybe the Golden Rule is not as achievable as I imagine. People are so afraid to upset the apple cart that they avoid taking a stand when the opportunity arises.  They only consider the safety and security of others who look and think like they do.  People of color, native tribal people, LGBTQ people, and women are still fighting for rights, fighting for their lives.  But why are they the ones who are fighting?  Why do we expect them to be brave and push against the societal norms?  Why on earth are we still saying, "but that's not how it's always been done," or "the eldest members of the establishment won't like it?"  Churches do the naysayer dance more than any group I know of, and they're the ones who are supposed to assume the uncomfortable work of the good Samaritan.  They hold Jesus up as their model and then they institutionalize homophobia, anti-environmentalism, sexism, and on and on.

I wrote most of this yesterday, and I wasn't going to publish it, because it's totally off-topic from my previous "thyroid cancer" blogs, but then I read Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's commentary about Colin Kaepernick, and then I saw this local video today.  This is Caleb Stephens speaking to the Lawrence City Commission and Police Chief about Black Lives Matter and the City of Lawrence.  "This is not a educational session.  Y'all are the city commission. You are the police chief, and I shouldn't be the one teaching y'all. I shouldn't be the one teaching y'all about marginalization or oppression."

I challenge myself to let other people's stories be a glimpse into a world that I am blind to.  Next time, I might invite my intelligent young friend to tell me how I defy the Golden Rule, and take her words to heart.  I challenge my own history to be re-written so that I can see the emotional relationships that I ignored because my frame of reference was limited.